If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
