Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize