Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
