Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
