First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize