If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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