im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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