Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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