they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
this will be a night to untag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
