I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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