It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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