I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
