I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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