i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
