I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
