Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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