Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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