things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
