I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
