Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
