Having a random hookup so left but love u
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize