You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize