I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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