I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
