Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
