I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
