So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
