You're my little dorito
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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