if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
