i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
