Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
