I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
