please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
