Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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