We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
