I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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