The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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