I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
