i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
