the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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