I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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