It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
