2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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