Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize