it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
