We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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