i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize