So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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