I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
