What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
