the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize