well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
