we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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