Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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