Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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