That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
