Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
