"it" just moved
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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