i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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