mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
