You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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