If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize