we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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