woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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