it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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