ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
