So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize