I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
