Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
