i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
