it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
