watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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