Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Randomize